I am not a good decision maker. I make the most outrageous decisions that in the end bites me in the ass. I've spent time and money on the wrong people and would usually question my common sense, my pride and my self-worth. I am very quick to feel sorry for the person I have the hots for and sometimes they do not even deserve such sentiment. I have always believe that one day I will eventually go to the other side of the fence where the grass is greener. I just didnt know when. I can't deny the fact that I did reach to a point where I just gave up on things and figured this is how life is going to treat me and I was thinking, Nyeh. I will just live with whatever is given to me.
Had a four years relationship and got cheated on twice. And hung up on him for the next three years and went through multiple of heart breaks. Met a guy went out with him for about two years and was placed in the hazy zone for whatever reason. Made me think that not talking for a week is Okay. While going out with the new guy, I was secretly still seeing the EX. At one point I was mind-f***ked. I wasnt sure what I wanted, who I wanted. And I had no idea what I was doing. And why I was doing it. Eventually I got tired of that kind of life. It was meaningless, I didnt know where I stood. I felt used. So I decided to friendzoned everyone and figured, it's fine. I will just adopt. It was the plan anyway.
About after a month or two, I got close to a work friend. A very friendly dude. Makes me laugh every time we hung out. From group chats it becomes a personal chats. From coffee hang outs it becomes movie nights. From texts it becomes video calls. From Ok lets talk tomorrow, it becomes let's leave our video on til tomorrow morning. From why dont you be my girlfriend to ofcourse I love you my cutie patootiee.
Its amazing what life can give you. The ups and downs is like being on a never ending roller coaster ride. I can't deny the fact that I have some negative thoughts in my head after looking back in time. But one thing for sure, I will never ever stop thinking that if something doesn't work out it only means that GOD has better plans for me.
Currently I am on the greener side of the fence. And I have no one to thank but God.
Dear You,
One thing you should know, if this doesn't work out it means God has better plans for Us. Whilst keeping that in mind, I can promise you afew things.
1/ I will not stop trying to make you happy.
2/ I will not stop loving you.
3/ I will not stop caring about you.
4/ I will not stop trying to make this last for a life time.
5/ Seeing other men, whilst still going out with you is ofcourse out of the question.
6/ And if history is to repeat itself again, I will accept it with an open mind.
Til then.
Goodnight.
13 Nov 2014
21 Jul 2014
Extra Ordinary
To want something extra ordinary requires work. An extra effort and a little bit of out side the box thinking.
I am at a point where, I do not have the will power to give extra, think more than I should and work a little bit extra. But then again that is not how it is if you wana survive in this world and to have what you want. And perhaps sometime need.
Moral of the story is, you have to always give extra, work more than you should and not forgetting give more than you should.
My mind boggles with the what ifs. I thought I have gotten rid of them. From the looks of it, I need to try harder. Alot harder.
Til then.
I am at a point where, I do not have the will power to give extra, think more than I should and work a little bit extra. But then again that is not how it is if you wana survive in this world and to have what you want. And perhaps sometime need.
Moral of the story is, you have to always give extra, work more than you should and not forgetting give more than you should.
My mind boggles with the what ifs. I thought I have gotten rid of them. From the looks of it, I need to try harder. Alot harder.
Til then.
20 Jul 2014
Stay with Me
The thing with me is, I tend to get myself tangled in this odd situations. And I would always end up saying things like good things do not come easy or nothing is permanent except change. And other whole load of crap. I'm not saying that any of those things aren't true.
It is safe to say now.. still, I do think that good things do not come easy.
I was browsing through my past posts and came across me saying I hope God will give me that one particular person that would set me free or something along that line. GOD is fair and GOD is good. Cause GOD did introduce to me a being that is by far the sweetest person alive. He never fails to make me laugh and he makes me forget things that I do not wana remember.
I would like to dedicate this post especially for him.
I was all year round doing something that was not right with a person whom I thought loved me sincerely. Taken for granted by another man which I thought I was ready to give my heart and soul. On most nights I would be angry at myself for letting myself do things which makes me feel used and small. I cared too much for people that does not care about me. I doubted my common sense, I thought I was going crazy, I had hoped for something which was nothing but cheap tales in a romance movie which was too good to be true.
Until one day!Came along a person which I thought was just an ordinary guy. Me being me, I was pretty skeptic towards this man. For one thing, he is waayy younger than I am. Until he started talking to me like its no one's business. I figured, this guy is pretty interesting. He seems to know alot of things. Nothing attracts me more than a smart person.We talked more, and grew alot closer than we should. Cause he cracks me up to a level that no one can. He can be pretty lame, but still I would find that amusing.
I came to understand him alot better. I manage to see the mature side of him that most people can't. For a young man, he can be more mature than I am. And that really caught my attention. Everyone knows that a girl and a guy can't be JUST friends. With time, he grew to love me, and vise versa. My common sense told me to stop. Why? One thing, he is way younger than me.
Apart from how mature he can be sometimes, he says the sweetest things about me that no freakin' guy has ever said to me. At one point in time, he told me all these good qualities that he sees in me that he finds very attractive.That was really sweet level 9000. I don't really remember what they are, but I do remember how he made me feel when he told me all those things. For the first time after so long I do not feel so small and under appreciated.
He make me do things which I never thought I would love doing. For instance, hanging by the beach and just talk endlessly. All these things which I thought was really corny turned to be something which are actually really good. I lit my first lantern because of him. Nothing can beat the feeling of doing something for the first time. And I have never seen a man that is very certain of what he wants. I'm not too sure if this is because he is young (they tend to think they want something, but they actually don't) or the fact that he is just CERTAIN of what he wants that it scares me sometime. I have not seen a man which is that sure in a very long time. And he sure can keep up with my crap. Amazingly. (Well for now)
Dear God,
I wana thank you for introducing me this amazing guy. He has a soft heart and he has the sweetest smile. And those things are one of the many things that I love about him. Apart from never failing to make me feel needed, loved and most importantly like a princess. :) IF you happen to take him away too like the others, I want you to know that I am thankful for every moment that I spent with him despite how brief it is. I am well aware of the challenges that I will be facing (although now I still refuse to accept it) and knowing me I might end up doing something stupid. He is one of the many amazing gift you have given to me.
And Dear You,
I know I do not say things like these alot, I reckon I am more of a person that writes stuff rather than say them, cause this way you can always refer back to your writings incase you forgot, you are an amazing person, as much as you are afraid of losing me, I am quite worried too. (You might just find a person your age) I might not show it much it's because I've been through alot in the past and I have learned that it'll hurt less if you dont dwell too much on it. I always question myself, if I give up on this, will I be able to find another guy that is like you. And that stops me from actually doing it. Insecurities aside. Let me list down all the amazing things I like about you (best part is I'm gona have this in writing);
You're funny and adorable. You're sweet, you know how to say the right things at the right time. You make me feel like I am the most important female alive. You have the sweetest dimples. You are very smart. I like it when you take something very seriously. I like how you are able to make me laugh almost everytime when we speak. I like how you can make me do things (like eat my veggies even when I dont wana). I like how you are very understanding and I like it how you say love me.
If I happen to not be with you, let me tell you this. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. The person that ends up being with you will be the luckiest person alive. Never think less of yourself. Girls in the past may have hurt you, and I believe its their lost. They have failed to see this attractive dimpled man that can make their day to day very cheerful and colorful. And always remember when it doesnt work with one girl, it basically means GOD is giving you a better one.
I think this is one of the longest post I have ever written here. Took me about an hour drafting this. I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Cause I enjoyed drafting it.
Til next time.
Have a good sleep.
Love always.
It is safe to say now.. still, I do think that good things do not come easy.
I was browsing through my past posts and came across me saying I hope God will give me that one particular person that would set me free or something along that line. GOD is fair and GOD is good. Cause GOD did introduce to me a being that is by far the sweetest person alive. He never fails to make me laugh and he makes me forget things that I do not wana remember.
I would like to dedicate this post especially for him.
I was all year round doing something that was not right with a person whom I thought loved me sincerely. Taken for granted by another man which I thought I was ready to give my heart and soul. On most nights I would be angry at myself for letting myself do things which makes me feel used and small. I cared too much for people that does not care about me. I doubted my common sense, I thought I was going crazy, I had hoped for something which was nothing but cheap tales in a romance movie which was too good to be true.
Until one day!Came along a person which I thought was just an ordinary guy. Me being me, I was pretty skeptic towards this man. For one thing, he is waayy younger than I am. Until he started talking to me like its no one's business. I figured, this guy is pretty interesting. He seems to know alot of things. Nothing attracts me more than a smart person.We talked more, and grew alot closer than we should. Cause he cracks me up to a level that no one can. He can be pretty lame, but still I would find that amusing.
I came to understand him alot better. I manage to see the mature side of him that most people can't. For a young man, he can be more mature than I am. And that really caught my attention. Everyone knows that a girl and a guy can't be JUST friends. With time, he grew to love me, and vise versa. My common sense told me to stop. Why? One thing, he is way younger than me.
Apart from how mature he can be sometimes, he says the sweetest things about me that no freakin' guy has ever said to me. At one point in time, he told me all these good qualities that he sees in me that he finds very attractive.That was really sweet level 9000. I don't really remember what they are, but I do remember how he made me feel when he told me all those things. For the first time after so long I do not feel so small and under appreciated.
He make me do things which I never thought I would love doing. For instance, hanging by the beach and just talk endlessly. All these things which I thought was really corny turned to be something which are actually really good. I lit my first lantern because of him. Nothing can beat the feeling of doing something for the first time. And I have never seen a man that is very certain of what he wants. I'm not too sure if this is because he is young (they tend to think they want something, but they actually don't) or the fact that he is just CERTAIN of what he wants that it scares me sometime. I have not seen a man which is that sure in a very long time. And he sure can keep up with my crap. Amazingly. (Well for now)
Dear God,
I wana thank you for introducing me this amazing guy. He has a soft heart and he has the sweetest smile. And those things are one of the many things that I love about him. Apart from never failing to make me feel needed, loved and most importantly like a princess. :) IF you happen to take him away too like the others, I want you to know that I am thankful for every moment that I spent with him despite how brief it is. I am well aware of the challenges that I will be facing (although now I still refuse to accept it) and knowing me I might end up doing something stupid. He is one of the many amazing gift you have given to me.
And Dear You,
I know I do not say things like these alot, I reckon I am more of a person that writes stuff rather than say them, cause this way you can always refer back to your writings incase you forgot, you are an amazing person, as much as you are afraid of losing me, I am quite worried too. (You might just find a person your age) I might not show it much it's because I've been through alot in the past and I have learned that it'll hurt less if you dont dwell too much on it. I always question myself, if I give up on this, will I be able to find another guy that is like you. And that stops me from actually doing it. Insecurities aside. Let me list down all the amazing things I like about you (best part is I'm gona have this in writing);
You're funny and adorable. You're sweet, you know how to say the right things at the right time. You make me feel like I am the most important female alive. You have the sweetest dimples. You are very smart. I like it when you take something very seriously. I like how you are able to make me laugh almost everytime when we speak. I like how you can make me do things (like eat my veggies even when I dont wana). I like how you are very understanding and I like it how you say love me.
If I happen to not be with you, let me tell you this. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. The person that ends up being with you will be the luckiest person alive. Never think less of yourself. Girls in the past may have hurt you, and I believe its their lost. They have failed to see this attractive dimpled man that can make their day to day very cheerful and colorful. And always remember when it doesnt work with one girl, it basically means GOD is giving you a better one.
I think this is one of the longest post I have ever written here. Took me about an hour drafting this. I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Cause I enjoyed drafting it.
Til next time.
Have a good sleep.
Love always.
17 Feb 2014
One day at a time
I poured my heart out to a person whom I thought would bring me see rainbows by the end of my life time. It doesnt make me feel good but I guess it is for the best. Came a cross a meme, it says happy. yes? Yes. Keep going. Happy, No? Change something. So i followed that advice and made a change. Well kinda. Currently still making the first step to making a change. Not everyone gets you. Or it could be I just don't get some people. It is kinda selfish to think why can't he do things according to what I like and what I want?If I think again, it is not so selfish when the things I want are at its minimal. I do not ask for money, I do not ask for constant contact, I do not ask for anything a normal girl would ask from her lover. I have dialed down my neediness, bossiness and edginess to a level where I had no idea I could reach. Sigh.
Ah well. At least I took a leap in actually doing something. I guess not everyone can see what you are wiling to give up on to make them happy. Well perhaps it is just not meant to be.
Lets take one day at a time and move on shall we.
Ah well. At least I took a leap in actually doing something. I guess not everyone can see what you are wiling to give up on to make them happy. Well perhaps it is just not meant to be.
Lets take one day at a time and move on shall we.
26 Jan 2014
Candy Apple
So it has been awhile.
Things are pretty much the same. I've grown a bit older but still not any wiser.
Still have the tendency to lookat people at their best, insult them for their stupidity and fall for ever sweet loving thoughts of sugar coated words.
So some things do not change, some people do not change. I might be going against my principal of nothing is permanent except change, well, at one point in time i have realized that somethings do not change. Like for instance, how can one do what they always do? And after for so long they still do what they do?
I can't help it but think too much. The what if's, what could've been and the why's.
I have placed my self in a place where i myself do not want to be in and I can't seem to get out from. And I seem to have not found someone that can safe me and take me out. I have tried very hard to let myself loose, doing it by myself can't seem to work.
How I wish I can find that one person that can really help me. I guess I can only wait til God gives me that one person that can help me out.
I have a candy apple. It's just funny how sometimes I feel like this candy apple will not last me til forever. :(
Things are pretty much the same. I've grown a bit older but still not any wiser.
Still have the tendency to lookat people at their best, insult them for their stupidity and fall for ever sweet loving thoughts of sugar coated words.
So some things do not change, some people do not change. I might be going against my principal of nothing is permanent except change, well, at one point in time i have realized that somethings do not change. Like for instance, how can one do what they always do? And after for so long they still do what they do?
I can't help it but think too much. The what if's, what could've been and the why's.
I have placed my self in a place where i myself do not want to be in and I can't seem to get out from. And I seem to have not found someone that can safe me and take me out. I have tried very hard to let myself loose, doing it by myself can't seem to work.
How I wish I can find that one person that can really help me. I guess I can only wait til God gives me that one person that can help me out.
I have a candy apple. It's just funny how sometimes I feel like this candy apple will not last me til forever. :(
28 Nov 2013
13 Oct 2013
Almost is
Spent the whole day (well almost the whole day) doing my project. It was pretty mind boggling cause I had no idea how to use the software. My project is about forecasting the output power of a solar PV system. In this case the ones we have in Seria. I must use this software called R to do it. It is pretty straight forward actually. It's just that, truth be told, I am not so much of a programming person. It is not as hard as JAVA I should say. But still, I have to use all these commands that seem very foreign to my simple mind. With Midah's help, I did manage to do what I was suppose to do. Surprisingly I do understand some of the commands. There are some that I still do NOT though, like as.data.frame. I mean like, WHAT? There are meanings to every commands of course, I just have not gotten my way around that yet.
The semester break's over. School is gona start again tomorrow. Well atleast some weight is lifted away from my shoulders. Just need to work on my report soon. And revise for the exam. I only have one module. So gona try really hard to nail that one.
Currently listening to Almost Is Never Enough. I guess its not that bad. Since I have it on repeat for quite a while now. Feeling really sleepy. I guess today's post is not going to be as informative as I thought it would be.
Well, that is all I guess.
Perhaps I can share afew boring photos. Hehe. :)
The semester break's over. School is gona start again tomorrow. Well atleast some weight is lifted away from my shoulders. Just need to work on my report soon. And revise for the exam. I only have one module. So gona try really hard to nail that one.
Currently listening to Almost Is Never Enough. I guess its not that bad. Since I have it on repeat for quite a while now. Feeling really sleepy. I guess today's post is not going to be as informative as I thought it would be.
Well, that is all I guess.
Perhaps I can share afew boring photos. Hehe. :)
 |
| That's persistence right there! |
 |
| Its Grumpy Cat and her brother :) This is not boring! |
10 Oct 2013
6 Oct 2013
I have to say
So! I've not posted anything for a really long time now.
Time has passed and I have developed weird interests nowadays. Not much just one or two.
I bought myself a fixie bike a few days go. Went for a ride earlier. The tyres were a bit lacking of air. Gonna get it filled tomorrow perhaps. The upside of working at where I work. *Smiles* Gona bring the fixie for an hour spin soon.
Keeping fit is still an interest. Yeay. I have also recently started taking El Marino. It is doing me justice. Yeay me!It is probably one of my best investments on a health supplement so far. At this age and doing what I do, I think I do need it. I mean its every girl's dream to stay young and radiant. Just like Zooey Deschanel. She just look so young and pretty and she's already 33. I wanabe just like her :)
Keeping fit, healthy and young is not an easy thing to do. So is keeping yourself sane, contented and civilized. There are alot of things in this world that would really test your mental strength and stability. It is up to you how you wana handle it. Little did we know its things like these are one of the many things that eats up your youth. Hence, you should know how to handle things in your life.
There are days when I think I want to give up on certain things, be a quitter, settle for less and just stay still and be stagnant. But I figured, GOD gave you intelligence not to put it to waste.
I am currently in my second semester of my post grad studies. 2 more semesters to go. That's a year. Seem so long. It is actually. One of the hardest things that I need to cope up with is the drive to continue and excel. I need a cheerleader, like literally. Ah well. At this point, I can only make full use of what I have, my own determination.
Where as for work, I have been doing lots and lots of writing lately. I was thinking to myself, I didn't do my degree to become a journalist. I guess with what I'm currently doing I have the upper hand of doing my school report efficiently. I think. And my photoshop skill is getting better. It's true when they say you do not really practice what you studied.
Hmm..That is all.
I shall leave you with a selfie and a Nina and Friend :)
I still look as young. Hehehe.. :) and I miss my nose stud. Give El Marino a try!
Time has passed and I have developed weird interests nowadays. Not much just one or two.
I bought myself a fixie bike a few days go. Went for a ride earlier. The tyres were a bit lacking of air. Gonna get it filled tomorrow perhaps. The upside of working at where I work. *Smiles* Gona bring the fixie for an hour spin soon.
Keeping fit is still an interest. Yeay. I have also recently started taking El Marino. It is doing me justice. Yeay me!It is probably one of my best investments on a health supplement so far. At this age and doing what I do, I think I do need it. I mean its every girl's dream to stay young and radiant. Just like Zooey Deschanel. She just look so young and pretty and she's already 33. I wanabe just like her :)
There are days when I think I want to give up on certain things, be a quitter, settle for less and just stay still and be stagnant. But I figured, GOD gave you intelligence not to put it to waste.
I am currently in my second semester of my post grad studies. 2 more semesters to go. That's a year. Seem so long. It is actually. One of the hardest things that I need to cope up with is the drive to continue and excel. I need a cheerleader, like literally. Ah well. At this point, I can only make full use of what I have, my own determination.
Where as for work, I have been doing lots and lots of writing lately. I was thinking to myself, I didn't do my degree to become a journalist. I guess with what I'm currently doing I have the upper hand of doing my school report efficiently. I think. And my photoshop skill is getting better. It's true when they say you do not really practice what you studied.
Hmm..That is all.
I shall leave you with a selfie and a Nina and Friend :)
 |
| Taken in 2011 |
 | ||
| Taken in 2013 |
I still look as young. Hehehe.. :) and I miss my nose stud. Give El Marino a try!
31 Aug 2013
Mind over matter
The excruciating pain of being lied to, being rejected or failing something.
The beginning of my post is a little bit dramatic. This blog is the only place where I can be all emotional and overly dramatic you see. Clearly it has been almost three years I have this blog around. It shows the transition of my life time in a way. Probably I'll shut it down after I have my first child. Hmm..we'll see. It's good to have something written down, you have something to read back and have a laugh about. I do that sometimes. Read the stuff I wrote when I still had the mind of a child. A few years has passed nothing much has changed though with regards to my thinking. Oh well. That only means, I am being me.
My mind seems to wonder about unnecessary things. When does it not?
So much to say.
At this point lets have it unsaid.
Goodnight.
The beginning of my post is a little bit dramatic. This blog is the only place where I can be all emotional and overly dramatic you see. Clearly it has been almost three years I have this blog around. It shows the transition of my life time in a way. Probably I'll shut it down after I have my first child. Hmm..we'll see. It's good to have something written down, you have something to read back and have a laugh about. I do that sometimes. Read the stuff I wrote when I still had the mind of a child. A few years has passed nothing much has changed though with regards to my thinking. Oh well. That only means, I am being me.
My mind seems to wonder about unnecessary things. When does it not?
So much to say.
At this point lets have it unsaid.
Goodnight.
28 Jul 2013
Smile
This jittery feeling inside.
Makes me smile so wide.
Hey there dear friend,
You make me feel fine.
You make my world shine.
A fool this heart might be,
But the future no one can see,
Why not let loose and be free,
To a world of what might be.
If this is true I thank you,
If it isn't it'll be another lesson learnt,
For one might enter as a person of forever true
For one might enter as a person that will leave you.
I will not be scared to face my fears
As the worse thing that could happen is I'll shed more tears,
A girl should be nothing but her own worrior
Through ups and downs, betrayal and sorrows.
Dear you, your smile melts me. :)
Makes me smile so wide.
Hey there dear friend,
You make me feel fine.
You make my world shine.
A fool this heart might be,
But the future no one can see,
Why not let loose and be free,
To a world of what might be.
If this is true I thank you,
If it isn't it'll be another lesson learnt,
For one might enter as a person of forever true
For one might enter as a person that will leave you.
I will not be scared to face my fears
As the worse thing that could happen is I'll shed more tears,
A girl should be nothing but her own worrior
Through ups and downs, betrayal and sorrows.
Dear you, your smile melts me. :)
15 Jul 2013
Hopeful
Hello,
It is already Ramadhan. Time flies. SO Fast. We're coming to the second week of Ramadhan soon.
Things have been pretty ok. Loving the holidays. Did I mention I went KL two weeks ago? That was a good retail therapy. Got back home and did a REAL therapy. :) Two and the half hours of body scrub and body massage. It was good. Got myself another FOSSIL watch. I don't know what it is about me and watches. I had to get one. I love it though. I'm a free woman. I guess I can buy whatever I want.
I have been going through a weird thing lately. I have been having dreams about the same person, which I am not suppose to be dreaming about. Its just odd. This is happening probably because I have been thinking about the person when I am awake. Maybe?
Lets just hope I'll move past this. Soon.
It is already Ramadhan. Time flies. SO Fast. We're coming to the second week of Ramadhan soon.
Things have been pretty ok. Loving the holidays. Did I mention I went KL two weeks ago? That was a good retail therapy. Got back home and did a REAL therapy. :) Two and the half hours of body scrub and body massage. It was good. Got myself another FOSSIL watch. I don't know what it is about me and watches. I had to get one. I love it though. I'm a free woman. I guess I can buy whatever I want.
I have been going through a weird thing lately. I have been having dreams about the same person, which I am not suppose to be dreaming about. Its just odd. This is happening probably because I have been thinking about the person when I am awake. Maybe?
Lets just hope I'll move past this. Soon.
14 Jun 2013
Blue
I've been wondering about a lot of things lately. And thought of many things like quitting my job etc. I've been so tired lately. With work. I mean its great to be having a job and everything. But at some point you do get tired of it. And this is probably because I have been working hard since January. Yea I did go to Korea. But it was for a conference. So it doesn't count as a holiday. I got school and tuition as well to think about. I'm currently on my school break it feels like my work tripled actually. Like what I always tell my self GOD does not give you anything more than what you can handle as a human being. I need a holiday. Perhaps retail therapy.
But then again, if I do not get a retail therapy a conversation with a particular person would do.
I was saying on my last post I was going through a few things until recently the whole situation was made simple by nature per say. So it got me thinking.
I was in denial at some point. I think. Not too sure anymore. Perhaps confuse or caught between my past and my present.
I got to know a friend a year ago and we hit it off pretty well. Ever since we first met, I get this jittery feeling every time I see him or talk to him. In other words, he makes my heart race. We had a falling out in between and I did something not so smart. He doesn't know what I did and now I kinda think it was silly what I did. But I have stopped doing it now, so technically I am now in a way is a good person again.
The thing with this new friend is, he is not consistent. Sometimes he makes me wonder where his existence is. And its weird how deep inside I have this certain feeling that he is actually a nice guy. I don't know if my guts is making the right assumption right now.
I like the way he talks about his sick mom, I like how he is passionate about his work, I like how he is not sure of certain things. Most of all I like how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. He doesn't make me feel like a princess or anything. He makes me nervous and everytime I talk to him I can't look at him straight in the eye cause he makes me shy. It sounds stupid and naive I know. But that's exactly how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. Why am I only jotting this down now? It's probably because I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Cause right now I am kinda angry. I think. I'm not too sure what this feeling is. So I've been weighing out pros and cons of a certain situation.
Day by day I came to realize a few things. Sigh.
I have not spoken to this new friend in days. I kinda miss talking to him. If only I can say all these things to him, especially how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him and leave nothing on the table. That'll be nice. I think. What ever it is, or what ever he is up to I guess I wish him well. I mean, good things do not come easy right? I'm not expecting anything from him though. Have not been expecting anything from anyone in a really long time now.
I have not been this emotional here for quite some time. I guess today is just one of those days.
Tomorrow is work day for me. I reckon I should just take it one day at a time. Like I always do when life seem to be on the rough road.
I've asked a certain person questions like, how can you love two person at the same time? Now I know its possible. How can you say I love you to a certain person and the next day you go out with someone else? It is possible. How can you cheat? It is doable and there's a reason why a person does it. Now I know. Whatever it is, nothing beats doing things the right way. Not everyone appreciates that actually. And I'm glad I'm not one of those people.
Anyhoots. Gona go brush my teeth and head to bed now.
Toodles~ P/S I am not miserable. Just feeling a little blue. I'll get over it. Byee! :)
But then again, if I do not get a retail therapy a conversation with a particular person would do.
I was saying on my last post I was going through a few things until recently the whole situation was made simple by nature per say. So it got me thinking.
I was in denial at some point. I think. Not too sure anymore. Perhaps confuse or caught between my past and my present.
I got to know a friend a year ago and we hit it off pretty well. Ever since we first met, I get this jittery feeling every time I see him or talk to him. In other words, he makes my heart race. We had a falling out in between and I did something not so smart. He doesn't know what I did and now I kinda think it was silly what I did. But I have stopped doing it now, so technically I am now in a way is a good person again.
The thing with this new friend is, he is not consistent. Sometimes he makes me wonder where his existence is. And its weird how deep inside I have this certain feeling that he is actually a nice guy. I don't know if my guts is making the right assumption right now.
I like the way he talks about his sick mom, I like how he is passionate about his work, I like how he is not sure of certain things. Most of all I like how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. He doesn't make me feel like a princess or anything. He makes me nervous and everytime I talk to him I can't look at him straight in the eye cause he makes me shy. It sounds stupid and naive I know. But that's exactly how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. Why am I only jotting this down now? It's probably because I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Cause right now I am kinda angry. I think. I'm not too sure what this feeling is. So I've been weighing out pros and cons of a certain situation.
Day by day I came to realize a few things. Sigh.
I have not spoken to this new friend in days. I kinda miss talking to him. If only I can say all these things to him, especially how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him and leave nothing on the table. That'll be nice. I think. What ever it is, or what ever he is up to I guess I wish him well. I mean, good things do not come easy right? I'm not expecting anything from him though. Have not been expecting anything from anyone in a really long time now.
I have not been this emotional here for quite some time. I guess today is just one of those days.
Tomorrow is work day for me. I reckon I should just take it one day at a time. Like I always do when life seem to be on the rough road.
I've asked a certain person questions like, how can you love two person at the same time? Now I know its possible. How can you say I love you to a certain person and the next day you go out with someone else? It is possible. How can you cheat? It is doable and there's a reason why a person does it. Now I know. Whatever it is, nothing beats doing things the right way. Not everyone appreciates that actually. And I'm glad I'm not one of those people.
Anyhoots. Gona go brush my teeth and head to bed now.
Toodles~ P/S I am not miserable. Just feeling a little blue. I'll get over it. Byee! :)
11 Jun 2013
Little Talks
Truth be told, before this post i had three posts saved on draft. Why you may ask? Well, I didnt get to to finish writing them. The last time i posted something here seemed like I was pretty annoyed. I can still remember why actually.
I've finished my exams went to Korea for the ASPAC conference. Got my exam results. Not too shabby for a person that left school for almost two years and coming back to it part time.
And so here I am. Currently on my semester break. Working at normal working time and not forgetting acting on behalf of a collegue that is on wedding leave. I think I kinda over worked that I kinda fell sick. So I decided to call in sick today. Apart from work I volunteered to conduct a zumba session for the upcoming camp. Now I'm not too sure why I did that.
So as far as my usual fun filled career life is concern I am pretty much taking it one day at a time.
On a different note, these past few months I was caught in the middle of something. I wasn't too sure to why i was behaving in such a way. So recently I came to realize why. I'm still having mix feelings about the whole thing. It's weird how i have all these questions in my head and having all the answers at the same time as well. Things are now made simpler for me actually and i do not have to do anything that might end up hurting anyone. I guess that's good. I can't help feeling blue though. And I keep on asking myself why? Oh well. I'm sure it'll disappear soon.
On another different note, it's kinda freaky, but i can't wait to start a family and have my own kids. It's nice to see how some of the people i know are popping out babies. I might not be dating anyone right now, but I do believe it'll happen soon. I mean, having a family and what not.
Last but not least, I have a friend. And I miss our little talks.
I've finished my exams went to Korea for the ASPAC conference. Got my exam results. Not too shabby for a person that left school for almost two years and coming back to it part time.
And so here I am. Currently on my semester break. Working at normal working time and not forgetting acting on behalf of a collegue that is on wedding leave. I think I kinda over worked that I kinda fell sick. So I decided to call in sick today. Apart from work I volunteered to conduct a zumba session for the upcoming camp. Now I'm not too sure why I did that.
So as far as my usual fun filled career life is concern I am pretty much taking it one day at a time.
On a different note, these past few months I was caught in the middle of something. I wasn't too sure to why i was behaving in such a way. So recently I came to realize why. I'm still having mix feelings about the whole thing. It's weird how i have all these questions in my head and having all the answers at the same time as well. Things are now made simpler for me actually and i do not have to do anything that might end up hurting anyone. I guess that's good. I can't help feeling blue though. And I keep on asking myself why? Oh well. I'm sure it'll disappear soon.
On another different note, it's kinda freaky, but i can't wait to start a family and have my own kids. It's nice to see how some of the people i know are popping out babies. I might not be dating anyone right now, but I do believe it'll happen soon. I mean, having a family and what not.
Last but not least, I have a friend. And I miss our little talks.
12 Apr 2013
7 Apr 2013
With Love
As you can see I actually took the initiative to change the background design of my blog. As if I have all the free time in the world. And as of now I'm thinking of going to the saloon for a hair treatment. Should I? It has been awhile, since I've gone to the saloon. And I'm running out of shampoo. Need to get a set.
So should I go or should I not? I am kinda sleepy, prolly a nap would be a better choice. I was planning to send my lecturer my project's progress report. For whatever reason my brain feels exhausted. It prefers catering for nonsense like contemplating to go to the saloon.
I'm not going to write much again today. I think I should reserve all this thinking energy for better things.
Toodles.
So should I go or should I not? I am kinda sleepy, prolly a nap would be a better choice. I was planning to send my lecturer my project's progress report. For whatever reason my brain feels exhausted. It prefers catering for nonsense like contemplating to go to the saloon.
I'm not going to write much again today. I think I should reserve all this thinking energy for better things.
Toodles.
 |
| With Love, Yours Truly. |
6 Apr 2013
And so its April
So hello, here I am composing this post using our new desktop at home which I bought for my sister's 14th birthday. Or is it 15th birthday?
The monitor is flatter than my laptop and it runs on windows 8 and the keyboard is as soft as a fuffly sponge. Loving it much. Makes me wana do my work here. And the monitor is HD which makes watching a hd movie a whole new experience here.
I have the crossfit games website on. They finished off the crossfit open afew days ago doing the 13.5. Chest to bar and thrusters. Camille took the first place. She's now technically the fittest woman on the planet. Just today I watched the last match, very inspiring. It was sad how when I was watching the match I was feeding on AyamKu. All this work is making me eat like a pig. But not to worry, exam's coming. Hence, three months holiday will kick in soon. I can't wait. Gona go back to the gym and kill those clean and jerks again. Oh how I miss. Everyone has their favorite game in the gym. I love doing my legs. Leg day has got to be my favorite. For one thing, my legs are the strongest part of my body. My skinny arms bring me nothing but disappointments during weight lifting. And I love the feeling of having my pants fitting on nicely. And lots of leg training can enhance your running. That's what I experience though. I can run, if not faster but longer.
May please come faster.
Til then. I shall leave you here.
Goodnight.
The monitor is flatter than my laptop and it runs on windows 8 and the keyboard is as soft as a fuffly sponge. Loving it much. Makes me wana do my work here. And the monitor is HD which makes watching a hd movie a whole new experience here.
I have the crossfit games website on. They finished off the crossfit open afew days ago doing the 13.5. Chest to bar and thrusters. Camille took the first place. She's now technically the fittest woman on the planet. Just today I watched the last match, very inspiring. It was sad how when I was watching the match I was feeding on AyamKu. All this work is making me eat like a pig. But not to worry, exam's coming. Hence, three months holiday will kick in soon. I can't wait. Gona go back to the gym and kill those clean and jerks again. Oh how I miss. Everyone has their favorite game in the gym. I love doing my legs. Leg day has got to be my favorite. For one thing, my legs are the strongest part of my body. My skinny arms bring me nothing but disappointments during weight lifting. And I love the feeling of having my pants fitting on nicely. And lots of leg training can enhance your running. That's what I experience though. I can run, if not faster but longer.
May please come faster.
Til then. I shall leave you here.
Goodnight.
23 Mar 2013
Source of inspiration
Hello,
How is everyone doing?
I'm doing ok. Just today we received the deadline for our mini project. My heart skipped a beat when I saw my lecturer's mail. I am about 26 pages away from finishing. Plus two other assignments that needs to be done. I reckon I'll manage. Just today I saw a friend posting on her facebook saying that she managed to complete a 90 paged report within 24 hours. I have about a month plus. I should be able to do it right? Right?
I keep reminding myself that God does not give a person something more than what they can handle. I believe I should be able to complete this. One semester is almost done, three more to go. Everything will be done before I know it.
I'm gona go watch Big Bang Theory before going back to writing up assumptions on having geothermal energy in Brunei. And this is for inspiration. Hehe.
Til next time.
How is everyone doing?
I'm doing ok. Just today we received the deadline for our mini project. My heart skipped a beat when I saw my lecturer's mail. I am about 26 pages away from finishing. Plus two other assignments that needs to be done. I reckon I'll manage. Just today I saw a friend posting on her facebook saying that she managed to complete a 90 paged report within 24 hours. I have about a month plus. I should be able to do it right? Right?
I keep reminding myself that God does not give a person something more than what they can handle. I believe I should be able to complete this. One semester is almost done, three more to go. Everything will be done before I know it.
I'm gona go watch Big Bang Theory before going back to writing up assumptions on having geothermal energy in Brunei. And this is for inspiration. Hehe.
Til next time.
8 Mar 2013
Off day
Hello!
How is everyone doing? People around me are getting sick only God knows how hard I try not to be one of them. Not too sure if I'm succeeding there's just too much of them. Prolly I need to take my fish oil after this.
Anyhoots, its Friday morning and I am not working. It feels kinda odd. Woke up with a bad stomachache luckily it has dissipated in a way. Atleast I got time to do my project and prolly later an exercise or two for tonight's class.
There are days when I feel like I wana just give up and roll around on the floor cause it frustrates me when I can't do something. Especially with my mini project, 8 units mini project. Right! I don't think they know what the word mini stands for. I can do the project, not saying that I can't. I'm just facing a problem with the tool that I have to use. The tool called LEAP is suppose to give the forecast-ed value using the data that I have. And I seem to not know how to do that. I have an idea how, but it does not seem logically. I can write as much stuff as I can, but the graphs still count I suppose. I should ask for help from Emma.
I've been wondering, does it mean something when you've decided to leave a person he or she still comes back. They say, when someone comes back to you, the person is yours. I wonder if that's true.
Hmm..
How is everyone doing? People around me are getting sick only God knows how hard I try not to be one of them. Not too sure if I'm succeeding there's just too much of them. Prolly I need to take my fish oil after this.
Anyhoots, its Friday morning and I am not working. It feels kinda odd. Woke up with a bad stomachache luckily it has dissipated in a way. Atleast I got time to do my project and prolly later an exercise or two for tonight's class.
There are days when I feel like I wana just give up and roll around on the floor cause it frustrates me when I can't do something. Especially with my mini project, 8 units mini project. Right! I don't think they know what the word mini stands for. I can do the project, not saying that I can't. I'm just facing a problem with the tool that I have to use. The tool called LEAP is suppose to give the forecast-ed value using the data that I have. And I seem to not know how to do that. I have an idea how, but it does not seem logically. I can write as much stuff as I can, but the graphs still count I suppose. I should ask for help from Emma.
I've been wondering, does it mean something when you've decided to leave a person he or she still comes back. They say, when someone comes back to you, the person is yours. I wonder if that's true.
Hmm..
3 Mar 2013
One of those days
Hi..
The last time I was in here was in January.
It is safe to say that my schedule is tight. I have not been working out and I've been eating like crazy.
I am currently on a break from doing my 10 paged essay about geothermal energy. My god this stuff is boring. I was never the type that writes lengthy essays except when it comes to writing about yours truly. I'm on my 3rd page, hoping to get til the fifth page, I gotta have strong will power to achieve that, at this point I'm not too sure if I can.
There are days when I wana cry cause I have too much stuff that I need to do and that I don't know why I put myself in this. I suppose something good will come up. God is fair. HE knows what's best. I don't juggle well, not yet. SO I have no other choice but to take one day at a time.
Things have changed ever since the calendar entered the year 2013. Some are just odd. It makes me wonder what the end of the line is gonabe like. I'll share it with you once things are clearer and if I actually feel like it.
I am gona stop now. Can't write much. Gotta save time for the more important stuff. Like going for SEAFOOD. HEEHEE...and ofcourse add more stuff on my essay sheet.
Toodles.
The last time I was in here was in January.
It is safe to say that my schedule is tight. I have not been working out and I've been eating like crazy.
I am currently on a break from doing my 10 paged essay about geothermal energy. My god this stuff is boring. I was never the type that writes lengthy essays except when it comes to writing about yours truly. I'm on my 3rd page, hoping to get til the fifth page, I gotta have strong will power to achieve that, at this point I'm not too sure if I can.
There are days when I wana cry cause I have too much stuff that I need to do and that I don't know why I put myself in this. I suppose something good will come up. God is fair. HE knows what's best. I don't juggle well, not yet. SO I have no other choice but to take one day at a time.
Things have changed ever since the calendar entered the year 2013. Some are just odd. It makes me wonder what the end of the line is gonabe like. I'll share it with you once things are clearer and if I actually feel like it.
I am gona stop now. Can't write much. Gotta save time for the more important stuff. Like going for SEAFOOD. HEEHEE...and ofcourse add more stuff on my essay sheet.
Toodles.
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