Smile

This jittery feeling inside.
Makes me smile so wide.
Hey there dear friend,
You make me feel fine.
You make my world shine.

A fool this heart might be,
But the future no one can see,
Why not let loose and be free,
To a world of what might be.

If this is true I thank you,
If it  isn't it'll be another lesson learnt,
For one might enter as a person of forever true
For one might enter as a person that will leave you.

I will not be scared to face my fears
As the worse thing that could happen is I'll shed more tears,
A girl should be nothing but her own worrior
Through ups and downs, betrayal and sorrows.

Dear you, your smile melts me. :)

Hopeful

Hello,

It is already Ramadhan. Time flies. SO Fast. We're coming to the second week of Ramadhan soon.

Things have been pretty ok. Loving the holidays. Did I mention I went KL two weeks ago? That was a good retail therapy. Got back home and did a REAL therapy. :) Two and the half hours of body scrub and body massage. It was good. Got myself another FOSSIL watch. I don't know what it is about me and watches. I had to get one. I love it though. I'm a free woman. I guess I can buy whatever I want.

I have been going through a weird thing lately. I have been having dreams about the same person, which I am not suppose to be dreaming about. Its just odd. This is happening probably because I have been thinking about the person when I am awake. Maybe?

Lets just hope I'll move past this. Soon.

Blue

I've been wondering about a lot of things lately. And thought of many things like quitting my job etc. I've been so tired lately. With work. I mean its great to be having a job and everything. But at some point you do get tired of it. And this is probably because I have been working hard since January. Yea I did go to Korea. But it was for a conference. So it doesn't count as a holiday. I got school and tuition as well to think about. I'm currently on my school break it feels like my work tripled actually. Like what I always tell my self GOD does not give you anything more than what you can handle as a human being. I need a holiday. Perhaps retail therapy.

But then again, if I do not get a retail therapy a conversation with a particular person would do.

I was saying on my last post I was going through a few things until recently the whole situation was made simple by nature per say. So it got me thinking.

I was in denial at some point. I think. Not too sure anymore. Perhaps confuse or caught between my past and my present.

I got to know a friend a year ago and we hit it off pretty well. Ever since we first met, I get this jittery feeling every time I see him or talk to him. In other words, he makes my heart race. We had a falling out in between and I did something not so smart. He doesn't know what I did and now I kinda think it was silly what I did. But I have stopped doing it now, so technically I am now in a way is a good person again.

The thing with this new friend is, he is not consistent. Sometimes he makes me wonder where his existence is. And its weird how deep inside I have this certain feeling that he is actually a nice guy. I don't know if my guts is making the right assumption right now.

I like the way he talks about his sick mom, I like how he is passionate about his work, I like how he is not sure of certain things. Most of all I like how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. He doesn't make me feel like a princess or anything. He makes me nervous and everytime I talk to him I can't look at him straight in the eye cause he makes me shy. It sounds stupid and naive I know. But that's exactly how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. Why am I only jotting this down now? It's probably because I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Cause right now I am kinda angry. I think. I'm not too sure what this feeling is. So I've been weighing out pros and cons of a certain situation.

Day by day I came to realize a few things. Sigh.

I have not spoken to this new friend in days. I kinda miss talking to him. If only I can say all these things to him, especially how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him and leave nothing on the table. That'll be nice. I think. What ever it is, or what ever he is up to I guess I wish him well. I mean, good things do not come easy right? I'm not expecting anything from him though. Have not been expecting anything from anyone in a really long time now.

I have not been this emotional here for quite some time. I guess today is just one of those days.

Tomorrow is work day for me. I reckon I should just take it one day at a time. Like I always do when life seem to be on the rough road.

I've asked a certain person questions like, how can you love two person at the same time? Now I know its possible. How can you say I love you to a certain person and the next day you go out with someone else? It is possible. How can you cheat? It is doable and there's a reason why a person does it. Now I know. Whatever it is, nothing beats doing things the right way. Not everyone appreciates that actually. And I'm glad I'm not one of those people.

Anyhoots. Gona go brush my teeth and head to bed now.

Toodles~ P/S I am not miserable. Just feeling a little blue. I'll get over it. Byee! :)

Little Talks

Truth be told, before this post i had three posts saved on draft. Why you may ask? Well, I didnt get to to finish writing them. The last time i posted something here seemed like I was pretty annoyed. I can still remember why actually.

I've finished my exams went to Korea for the ASPAC conference. Got my exam results. Not too shabby for a person that left school for almost two years and coming back to it part time.

And so here I am. Currently on my semester break. Working at normal working time and not forgetting acting on behalf of a collegue that is on wedding leave. I think I kinda over worked that I kinda fell sick. So I decided to call in sick today. Apart from work I volunteered to conduct a zumba session for the upcoming camp. Now I'm not too sure why I did that.

So as far as my usual fun filled career life is concern I am pretty much taking it one day at a time.

On a different note, these past few months I was caught in the middle of something. I wasn't too sure to why i was behaving in such a way. So recently I came to realize why. I'm still having mix feelings about the whole thing. It's weird how i have all these questions in my head and having all the answers at the same time as well. Things are now made simpler for me actually and i do not have to do anything that might end up hurting anyone. I guess that's good. I can't help feeling blue though. And I keep on asking myself why? Oh well. I'm sure it'll disappear soon.

On another different note, it's kinda freaky, but i can't wait to start a family and have my own kids. It's nice to see how some of the people i know are popping out babies. I might not be dating anyone right now, but I do believe it'll happen soon. I mean, having a family and what not.

Last but not least, I have a friend. And I miss our little talks.

Annoyed to the bones

I am annoyed. Seriously. I might as well run the place my self. Sheesh!

With Love

As you can see I actually took the initiative to change the background design of my blog. As if I have all the free time in the world. And as of now I'm thinking of going to the saloon for a hair treatment. Should I? It has been awhile, since I've gone to the saloon. And I'm running out of shampoo. Need to get a set.

So should I go or should I not? I am kinda sleepy, prolly a nap would be a better choice. I was planning to send my lecturer my project's progress report. For whatever reason my brain feels exhausted. It prefers catering for nonsense like contemplating to go to the saloon.

I'm not going to write much again today. I think I should reserve all this thinking energy for better things.

Toodles.

With Love, Yours Truly.

And so its April

So hello, here I am composing this post using our new desktop at home which I bought for my sister's 14th birthday. Or is it 15th birthday?

The monitor is flatter than my laptop and it runs on windows 8 and the keyboard is as soft as a fuffly sponge. Loving it much. Makes me wana do my work here. And the monitor is HD which makes watching a hd movie a whole new experience here.

I have the crossfit games website on. They finished off the crossfit open afew days ago doing the 13.5. Chest to bar and thrusters. Camille took the first place. She's now technically the fittest woman on the planet. Just today I watched the last match, very inspiring. It was sad how when I was watching the match I was feeding on AyamKu. All this work is making me eat like a pig. But not to worry, exam's coming. Hence, three months holiday will kick in soon. I can't wait. Gona go back to the gym and kill those clean and jerks again. Oh how I miss. Everyone has their favorite game in the gym. I love doing my legs. Leg day has got to be my favorite. For one thing, my legs are the strongest part of my body. My skinny arms bring me nothing but disappointments during weight lifting. And I love the feeling of having my pants fitting on nicely. And lots of leg training can enhance your running. That's what I experience though. I can run, if not faster but longer.

May please come faster.

Til then. I shall leave you here.

Goodnight.