Everybody Leaves

I'm feeling abit out of place these past few days. Dysfunctional I may say. Not to mention over the top pessimistic. The more I wana get rid of my what-if's virus the more "what-ifs" I get. Just today three different people said I'm being pessimistic.

I reckon I've been let down too many times, hence the negativity.

I have quite a number of things running through my head. There are things that do not go my way and it bothers me. I wana question why. But then again the good side of me keeps on saying that God is testing me and he has better plans. And when something doesn't turn out the way you want it to be, it basically means one thing, find other ways to do it or try harder.

I managed to successfully bring in the new exhibition. Again from Australia, way ahead of schedule. I reckon I would be a good project engineer. I have my science communicators now. That means I have 5 permanent staff under me. And mind you, these people are Degree Graduates! You see, I like having the degree graduates to work with. So far they are enthusiastic, knowledgeable and efficient. The problem currently is, I'm a fresh graduate myself. My degree certificate is only 2 years old. So I'm still not quite comfortable with bossing them around. Well, I do not really boss people around. I think. You get what I mean. Still trying to compose myself everytime I call them for a meeting. I know what I want. As a leader you should always know what you want. So two things I have to look into here. One is the development of the workplace. Two is the development of my staff. And I am currently trying to develop myself too and sad to say,  I kinda have to do it on my own. There are other couple of things that I wana do. For instance develop new educational programs, new games, get new puzzles but there are times when I think, OMG am I raising the stake too high? Cause I might just fall head first and die. Negativity. You see what I mean? Although, deep in my heart, I know I can do it as long as I work for it. Usaha Tangga Kejayaan my friend says.

New exhibition means another launching ceremony. I've managed to delegate the work to the new staff. Hopefully everything will fall into place efficiently. And everything would go the way I want it to be. Heheh. Currently I'm the acting head, so I make any decision that I want, if only it's like that all the way. Oh well.

On top of that I need to conduct a workshop for them on how to do a proper science show. Oh my dear Lord, how this?? It's not a must. But I figured I should. Cause the whole point of going for the KL trip was this and it would be super selfish of me if I do not pass on the knowledge. It would be a good development for them as well.

I think I've been blabbing too much about work.I reckon I should stop.

Other than work, there's another thing that's bothering me. Its about my Master application. Apparently, they have not process the in service's applications and I have no idea why.So I'm currently waiting for the result. I do not like waiting especially this type of wait. It makes me lose focus hence I keep on messing things up for example I forget things easily. My brother gave me a lecture of about getting myself ready for the whole thing. Going back to school and what not. I told him that I do not wana do that cause I don't wana go through the trouble of getting myself excited but in the end I get a solid rejection on the face by a paper. If I do get it, it would be a good self development process. I suppose there's nothing much I can do but wait.

I'll be having alot of things to look forward to these coming few weeks. The o-levels is just around the corner.Have to give the kids extra work.That's another thing that I need to really put my mind into.

Come to think of it, I am utilizing my life to it's fullest. Not bad ey. I do wana become a better person. I guess I'm going towards the right direction. There might be some hiccups here and there. But that is just how life is, yes?

My eyes are getting kinda heavy. I need to turn in soon. It's my day off tomorrow, however I need to be up early. My car is done, will be picking it up tomorrow. Happy Me. I miss it alot.

Last words for tonight.

I kinda miss you. It's weird but it's true.Oh well. All the best to you. Hmm..too bad I can't say this to you.

Everybody Leaves. It's an ugly truth. Face it.

Good night everyone.