Blue

I've been wondering about a lot of things lately. And thought of many things like quitting my job etc. I've been so tired lately. With work. I mean its great to be having a job and everything. But at some point you do get tired of it. And this is probably because I have been working hard since January. Yea I did go to Korea. But it was for a conference. So it doesn't count as a holiday. I got school and tuition as well to think about. I'm currently on my school break it feels like my work tripled actually. Like what I always tell my self GOD does not give you anything more than what you can handle as a human being. I need a holiday. Perhaps retail therapy.

But then again, if I do not get a retail therapy a conversation with a particular person would do.

I was saying on my last post I was going through a few things until recently the whole situation was made simple by nature per say. So it got me thinking.

I was in denial at some point. I think. Not too sure anymore. Perhaps confuse or caught between my past and my present.

I got to know a friend a year ago and we hit it off pretty well. Ever since we first met, I get this jittery feeling every time I see him or talk to him. In other words, he makes my heart race. We had a falling out in between and I did something not so smart. He doesn't know what I did and now I kinda think it was silly what I did. But I have stopped doing it now, so technically I am now in a way is a good person again.

The thing with this new friend is, he is not consistent. Sometimes he makes me wonder where his existence is. And its weird how deep inside I have this certain feeling that he is actually a nice guy. I don't know if my guts is making the right assumption right now.

I like the way he talks about his sick mom, I like how he is passionate about his work, I like how he is not sure of certain things. Most of all I like how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. He doesn't make me feel like a princess or anything. He makes me nervous and everytime I talk to him I can't look at him straight in the eye cause he makes me shy. It sounds stupid and naive I know. But that's exactly how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him. Why am I only jotting this down now? It's probably because I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Cause right now I am kinda angry. I think. I'm not too sure what this feeling is. So I've been weighing out pros and cons of a certain situation.

Day by day I came to realize a few things. Sigh.

I have not spoken to this new friend in days. I kinda miss talking to him. If only I can say all these things to him, especially how he makes me feel everytime I'm around him and leave nothing on the table. That'll be nice. I think. What ever it is, or what ever he is up to I guess I wish him well. I mean, good things do not come easy right? I'm not expecting anything from him though. Have not been expecting anything from anyone in a really long time now.

I have not been this emotional here for quite some time. I guess today is just one of those days.

Tomorrow is work day for me. I reckon I should just take it one day at a time. Like I always do when life seem to be on the rough road.

I've asked a certain person questions like, how can you love two person at the same time? Now I know its possible. How can you say I love you to a certain person and the next day you go out with someone else? It is possible. How can you cheat? It is doable and there's a reason why a person does it. Now I know. Whatever it is, nothing beats doing things the right way. Not everyone appreciates that actually. And I'm glad I'm not one of those people.

Anyhoots. Gona go brush my teeth and head to bed now.

Toodles~ P/S I am not miserable. Just feeling a little blue. I'll get over it. Byee! :)

Little Talks

Truth be told, before this post i had three posts saved on draft. Why you may ask? Well, I didnt get to to finish writing them. The last time i posted something here seemed like I was pretty annoyed. I can still remember why actually.

I've finished my exams went to Korea for the ASPAC conference. Got my exam results. Not too shabby for a person that left school for almost two years and coming back to it part time.

And so here I am. Currently on my semester break. Working at normal working time and not forgetting acting on behalf of a collegue that is on wedding leave. I think I kinda over worked that I kinda fell sick. So I decided to call in sick today. Apart from work I volunteered to conduct a zumba session for the upcoming camp. Now I'm not too sure why I did that.

So as far as my usual fun filled career life is concern I am pretty much taking it one day at a time.

On a different note, these past few months I was caught in the middle of something. I wasn't too sure to why i was behaving in such a way. So recently I came to realize why. I'm still having mix feelings about the whole thing. It's weird how i have all these questions in my head and having all the answers at the same time as well. Things are now made simpler for me actually and i do not have to do anything that might end up hurting anyone. I guess that's good. I can't help feeling blue though. And I keep on asking myself why? Oh well. I'm sure it'll disappear soon.

On another different note, it's kinda freaky, but i can't wait to start a family and have my own kids. It's nice to see how some of the people i know are popping out babies. I might not be dating anyone right now, but I do believe it'll happen soon. I mean, having a family and what not.

Last but not least, I have a friend. And I miss our little talks.