I am not a good decision maker. I make the most outrageous decisions that in the end bites me in the ass. I've spent time and money on the wrong people and would usually question my common sense, my pride and my self-worth. I am very quick to feel sorry for the person I have the hots for and sometimes they do not even deserve such sentiment. I have always believe that one day I will eventually go to the other side of the fence where the grass is greener. I just didnt know when. I can't deny the fact that I did reach to a point where I just gave up on things and figured this is how life is going to treat me and I was thinking, Nyeh. I will just live with whatever is given to me.
Had a four years relationship and got cheated on twice. And hung up on him for the next three years and went through multiple of heart breaks. Met a guy went out with him for about two years and was placed in the hazy zone for whatever reason. Made me think that not talking for a week is Okay. While going out with the new guy, I was secretly still seeing the EX. At one point I was mind-f***ked. I wasnt sure what I wanted, who I wanted. And I had no idea what I was doing. And why I was doing it. Eventually I got tired of that kind of life. It was meaningless, I didnt know where I stood. I felt used. So I decided to friendzoned everyone and figured, it's fine. I will just adopt. It was the plan anyway.
About after a month or two, I got close to a work friend. A very friendly dude. Makes me laugh every time we hung out. From group chats it becomes a personal chats. From coffee hang outs it becomes movie nights. From texts it becomes video calls. From Ok lets talk tomorrow, it becomes let's leave our video on til tomorrow morning. From why dont you be my girlfriend to ofcourse I love you my cutie patootiee.
Its amazing what life can give you. The ups and downs is like being on a never ending roller coaster ride. I can't deny the fact that I have some negative thoughts in my head after looking back in time. But one thing for sure, I will never ever stop thinking that if something doesn't work out it only means that GOD has better plans for me.
Currently I am on the greener side of the fence. And I have no one to thank but God.
Dear You,
One thing you should know, if this doesn't work out it means God has better plans for Us. Whilst keeping that in mind, I can promise you afew things.
1/ I will not stop trying to make you happy.
2/ I will not stop loving you.
3/ I will not stop caring about you.
4/ I will not stop trying to make this last for a life time.
5/ Seeing other men, whilst still going out with you is ofcourse out of the question.
6/ And if history is to repeat itself again, I will accept it with an open mind.
Til then.
Goodnight.
