Believe to achieve

So,

Here is the thing. I am in quite of a situation. I'm not too sure if it's a situation, probably I'm just making a big deal out of it. But I somehow keep on thinking about it everyday. If only everything is self explanatory. It saves me the trouble of trying to figure things out myself, probably saves me the trouble of making a fool out of myself as well. Which by the way, I personally think I can get an award for making a fool out of myself. There are times when I think I am the queen of fools. Oh well.

I can't really say what exactly I am going through here. Cause it would be very odd. I am not so much the type that kiss and tell. I think. I do tell at one point or another, to my bestie. When everything has reached a point where it needs to be spilled.

What do I want now? What am I gona do now?

I want answers or signs or something anything. I wana know whats going on. Cause as it stands I'm feeling kinda hopeless and lost. Am I expecting so much more? Probably not, cause I'm not too sure if I have fully come to an agreement with myself that these sort of things are rigid and long lasting. So what are the actions to be taken? I suppose for the time being I can wait. Who knows I'll get tired of waiting.

Blegh... Truth be told I'm not up for another mid life complication. Why do I always get myself sucked into these things? Seriously? Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I'm probably cursed. Can I just live in a box where any sort of sentiments are non existence? That would be nice. Again saves me the trouble of having wants, needs and desires.

If only you would just open up and say something. I don't read minds. Hmm. I would pay just to have him talk. Regardless of what ever that is gona come out.

I realize the difference between me now and me then is that I am more prone to saying things out, especially about what I think. Or when I disagree about something. One good example was, when I snapped at my boss telling him to talk nicely. Seriously, me then would never even think of doing something so rude. So yeah, I kinda made the same mistake (Not too sure if it was a mistake) to a certain person. I didn't snapped or anything not at first atleast. Since then things have been different. But that is just how I roll now. Didn't mean to break anyone's heart but asking is better then assuming. Living in denial is the last thing you wana do despite how hurtful the truth may get.

Ah well. Only time will tell I suppose. If the person refuses to open up, I guess that's that. It's such a shame though cause I've never met a person like that before and I would love to get to know him better.

Come to think of it, this could be a good lesson for a person like me or perhaps you too. I kinda just came across two different types of people. One that easily spills his heart out and one that just doesn't. If you ask me which is a keeper? Honestly, I have no idea.


Til then.

Believe to achieve.